EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED AFTER THE SLAP





Y’all not gonna do shit but sue. SO MANY people have been on the internet talking recklessly for literal decades about how they will get violent at a moment’s notice and yet upon seeing said violence decided that this wasn’t the path. People who used to say they wouldn’t even take a piece of disrespect and made videos and wild posts throwing up the backhand to their phone cameras suddenly saw that this wasn’t the case. Chants of “lock him up” came swiftly and suddenly the bully that is the internet at large became tattle-tells. So that leads to…


White people took our language to be figurative and not literal. “Fuck around and find out” as well as any type of “disrespect” “keep my name out ya mouth” and all other forms of AAVE have been thrown around by the appropriators as terms they figured were just…talk. Even the laugh before The Slap got so many of them confused to the point they didn’t realize what was behind our actions. If you think you’ve heard those words from us but didn’t see the other end of them, that’s because the other person knew the repercussions and backed down. This is what keeps getting told regarding appropriation; everything ain’t for you and that’s okay. Our protective styles will rip your edges out and our language will get you fucked up. That’s why I’m wondering why there’s been an influx of bandana-related apparel recently as if white people think it’s just a novel fashion choice. C Walk if you want to and see what happens.


The racism LEPT out of white people like Jordan from the free-throw line! Judd Apatow was one of the more egregious examples, saying that Will could’ve killed Chris with The Slap and that this was “pure out of control rage and violence.” Multiple “medical professionals” came out of the woodwork with random examples of instances where people were hurt badly or died because of falling or from hits…which isn’t what the fuck happened. At all. Then the false equivalences started to pop up. “What if (a different celebrity or person but generally a white person) was up there and (a completely different event occurred that wasn’t in the realm of possibility)?” They kept using other white people in place of Chris because they couldn’t make sense of it otherwise. And then it was like every smiling, happy, “ally” did an about-face and turned on Will without any context and disappointed me more than I already had been. Outside of Sharon Stone, I don’t think I saw a white celebrity take the high road on this. It was racist dog whistle central.


The false equivalents turned into fantasy. For every example of ‘he wouldn’t have done that if another random bigger or different Black comedian was up there” I’ve got two things to say. First, be quiet. Second, THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. Very specifically, what happened happened because of the two people that it happened with. Another comedian or person probably wouldn’t have said that dumb shit. Another presenter would’ve moved on to something else. I don’t care about the extras, what happened already happened and it happened how it happened.


Too many people don’t understand consensual non-monogamous relationships. This is why Americans can’t have nice things. It also has nothing to do with The Slap. I’m not wasting more time on this one.


‘The chances that someone will slap you because of a ‘joke’ you made are slim but never zero.” Courtesy of Superheroes In Color on Twitter, this is my favorite quote regarding all of this. Fun fact: In high school, I was slapped in the face by a girl at the time I said something slick to. I didn’t snitch, I didn’t hit her back, I just ate it and later realized the disrespect I committed got me smacked. It was fair and balanced and I endorse the practice. Violence begets violence and words are violent. I can tell you I never disrespected the girl that slapped me again and I guarantee Chris will be keeping Jada’s name out his fucking mouth.


Most of these comedians, especially Gen X and Boomer ones, are soft as baby shit. First off, being a comedian is not a protected class. I keep seeing takes from these Charmin “comedians” talking about getting canceled and fear of getting hit. Did you not read number 6 on this list? You knew the risks when you started telling jokes and someone wanted to fight you as a kid. But second, all jokes ain’t jokes. Punching down, talking shit about people you deem lower than you, all of that shit don’t make you a comedian, it makes you a bully. If you don’t know how to tell different jokes without going ham on an easy target then you’re not funny. And plenty of comics have adapted to the times and learned how to tell new jokes. Not changing means you get left behind. However, you can tell whatever jokes you want to. You’re allowed. There’s an audience for them. But, and I can’t stress this enough, read the title of number 6. Tread lightly or get new material.


So many of you have never been in a fight. Know the difference between an open-handed slap, a backhanded one, a punch, a brawl, and a fight. One swing isn’t the Rumble In The Jungle. Bum fights and the millions of videos online that show actual ass whoopings are “pure out of control rage and violence.” Will sent a message. It could’ve been so much worse.


A bunch of you wouldn’t protect your (female) partners. Especially the Black ones.


John Wayne. Roman Polanski. Harvey Weinstein. Woody Allen. Click those links and then tell me about this being the most shameful night at the Oscars. What they did to Hattie McDaniel was unforgivable and John Wayne never gets brought up. But you know, this is the worst. Sit down and let's ignore the show next year.


And after all of what I've learned, here's what you should learn. Maybe The Slap shouldn't have happened in the manner that it did, but something should've. If you think this is extreme for the defense of Black women, women, or partners, then so be it. But I haven't seen a whole lot of defense in recent times so hopefully, this can jump-start something more positive. Stop disrespecting Black women specifically and stand up for them when someone is punching down. We don't have to be saviors but we can't say Black Lives Matter when we dismiss the treatment of Black women as just jokes. Going forward if you're not going to smack someone, fine. But do something. Because the nothing that was done before led to this.