"Y'all Really Hate Black Women, Don't You?"

Updated: Jan 28

What is with the hatred of Black women across the board? I feel like I should be able to type that sentence and have a lot of people give me reasons as to why they think they don’t, which somehow still includes a negative attitude towards them. It’s always easy to find those that do because it seems to be a large portion of people worldwide but I guess we can start in the United States. This particular week the latest Black woman to get the shit end of the stick is Halle Bailey from Chloe X Halle, signed by Beyonce herself and currently starring on the show Grown-ish. News hit that she was cast as Ariel in the new live-action remake of The Little Mermaid and the racists (yes, racists) came out to spit out their two cents but didn’t come up with much that amounted to anything. I don’t want to make this entry all about this particular subject but it is the most recent time it’s happened and unfortunately won’t be the last. My question is...why does everyone have a problem with Black women succeeding?

For example, within the Marvel movies alone, Valkyrie from Thor and MJ from Spider-Man were cast as Black women and got some of the biggest uproar. Not as much for Heimdall (but still some) who is a Thor character as well, but a Black man. Yet we never hear any complaining by those same racists when every Egyptian movie stars white people in all but the slave roles (looking at you, Gods of Egypt.) There’s never any attempted boycotts for the appropriation of Black or other POC characters by white people, only the other way around.

And speaking of appropriation, why is it that it’s okay to take style and culture from the Black woman and celebrate it when another non-Black person has it, yet condemn Black women for what they have naturally? The easy scapegoats here are usually the Kardashians but it goes further than that. Black women from an uncomfortably young age are sexualized for either being developed, or not so much, by adults who should know better. They’re talked down to about the size of their butts, breasts, hips, lips, hairstyles and skin tone, yet when literally any other woman has those attributes she’s championed as having ‘Black features.’ How many times have you heard white women with big butts being told they have a ‘Black girl ass?’ How many times have you seen non-Black women with protective styles meant for Black hair being told that they can pull it off just as good as a Black woman? How is it that Black women are teased their entire lives for what non-Black women desire so bad? A law was placed THIS YEAR banning discrimination due to hair. I really want to know.

And, full disclosure, I’m a Black man that has dated a lot of non-Black women. Both of my daughters are with a white woman. And yet, I’ve never felt the need to down any Black woman or say anything terrible about them because I dated outside my race. Black women are just as, if not more so, intelligent, beautiful, talented and loyal as any other race of women. At times where I’ve been with others it hasn’t been because I hated a Black woman or thought they were all not good enough for me. I can’t make any blanket statement about all women of any stripe because they’re all not exactly the same. So yes, (I’m talking directly to ANY Black man who does this) it’s ENTIRELY possible to say that you have a preference for a particular type of woman and not say anything disparaging about Black women. I know, such a concept. You don’t have to say ‘all Black women have attitudes' or ‘they don’t understand me’ or ‘they’re not attractive.’ None of that is true because you haven’t met them all. But what you CAN say is, “I fell for this Asian/White/Hispanic/etc. woman because that’s what I prefer.” Full stop. Not ever a reason to bring a Black woman down because you haven’t dealt with the fact that you can date outside your race and it’s not anyone’s fault. Save the guilt trips for a therapy visit.

While we’re on the subject, I have to address the Black men who think they’re respecting Black women and don’t really have an idea how to. A friend recently posted on Facebook “Y’all really hate Black women” and a Black man came out saying he loves Black women but not Black bitches and other types. In a sense, he’s doing what so many do and instead of protecting the status of the Black woman to the outside world (which is a lot of people) he openly shows his disdain for those he doesn’t deem worthy. The women are cool, the bitches are bad and it’s supposed to reflect nothing on him for how he sees Black women. Negative. It’s not even necessary to say that statement calling out ‘Black bitches’ over anyone else because nobody wants to deal with assholes. That’s not a race thing, that’s just a fact of life. When confronted with someone calling out those that hate Black women this...man...chose to show his ignorance by raising up and saying ‘YEP!’ It’s just as bad as YG proclaiming that Nipsey left ‘light-skinned babies’ to raise at his funeral. Love all until they show you a reason not to. Not because they might be ‘light-skinned’ and not one of those ‘Black bitches.’ Get all the way out of here with that.

I’m not one of the types who says to respect women because they might be a sister, mother, cousin or anything else to a man because that takes away their worth and agency as humans. Respect them because they deserve it. And when they show they don’t, I judge the individual, not all Black women. It’s bad enough they can’t star in movies, go to work, look and dress normal, or even date without being someone disrespecting them and breaking them down to parts and throwing accusations across the entire diaspora. So maybe just love and appreciate them for being who they are. Trust me, Black women give back so much more when they’re shown the level of respect they deserve.